Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize