I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
