he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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