Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
