I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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