even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
a search helicopter?!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
