don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
