just come out here and I will go home with you...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
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She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.