dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
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Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!