I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs