I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him