Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
