Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
