Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
