if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
