I just pynch a tree in the face
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
