Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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