So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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