im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
