We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
