Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
