i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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