Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
