I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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