So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
