I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
