i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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