you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
