Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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