actually, I'm a sock model
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
