Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
