My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
