Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
