Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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