i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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