i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
