i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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