Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina