A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
