P.S. I can't hear my feet
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she pinky promised me she was 18
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties