If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
