so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
