the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
