a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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