My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
