We won't sleep together?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
