I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
