I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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