what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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