guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
