You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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