My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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