No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
