What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
