"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
