my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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