Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
