Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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