Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
