you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
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Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
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I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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