Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
