my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
