I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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