then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
