my sisters under your porch take her home
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
