I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
