He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
