you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
