i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
