Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
