So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
