i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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