I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
