I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
