she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
