Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
