It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
