life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
