Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's blow job season.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
