OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
