he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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