he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
