bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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