gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Randomize
